I have to explain it to you over a beer. it works like this: I don’t remember most of last night, therefore, with lots of alcohol, time travels faster, because obviously I went from “sure I’ll have a glass of wine” to “woah I’m glad I took my contacts out last night!”

Whereas today, when there is a distinct lack of alcohol, in fact the opposite, time is going extremely slowly.

Its only 10:43 and I was an hour late, but it feels like I’ve been here 12 hours .

Do you see the logic? If my universe is governed by my perception, and I alter my perception, then the universe changes. i.e.: time goes faster  Let’s say you want to time travel 20 years into the future, All you need to do is keep yourself in a state of haggardly drunk for 20 years, then sober up and you will say “wow, where did the last 20 years of my life go?” followed promptly by “Sweet its 2030″

You might say to internet screen right now “NO!” because other people will be around and they will try and tell you that time isn’t in fact, going faster.’

But let me put this to you. If I believed I was a horse. I would gallop around and eat grass and be happy. Everyone would think, ‘geez, why is that guy acting like horse?’ But I wouldn’t know this because horses are not thinking about what humans say. Everyone knows horses are working on the Collatz conjecture.

I rest my case. Pyrocam for Nobel Prize!